God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I supernannyed him into submission
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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