Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
