I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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