Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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