Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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