Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
