Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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