Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
now i know why i became what i already was.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
