I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
