Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
