I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
