fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize