My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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