just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize