Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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