Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
im on a boat
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