i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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