I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
