sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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