Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
oh god was she eating orange peels again
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
