my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
