So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
well you can't waste a boner
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
