New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
