think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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