im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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