I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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