Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
