WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
