She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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