dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
