I got her a Nickelback box set.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
