I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
