Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
