You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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