it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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