return my video game
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
