Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
