We won't sleep together?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
