GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
