Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think I have vodka in my lungs
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
