I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize