...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
