i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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