I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
