My cat gives me a boner
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
