I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
