Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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