States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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