Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
