I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
