a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I believe in your delicious
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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