you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
