I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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