we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
