cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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