and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
