ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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