i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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