worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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