also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
