apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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