It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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