i already hear my dad disowning me
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
