It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
