I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
