So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
