a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
