He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
