Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She even gives head with a lisp.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
